You can't expect anything from this blog. It's nothing. I am sixteen and this is just a place for my monologues to go to die.
The title, for now, is "Across the Retina". It may not still be, whenever you're reading this, but it connotes my attempt to break out of an annoying "autopilot" phase that I'm in, where I feel so distanced from the reality in front of me that I have to keep reminding myself to, y'know, exist.
I'm a senior at North Rockland High School. In terms of high intellectual discourse, it's about as interesting as its Wikipedia page. But it's fine. There are a few really talented teachers, and our orchestra's pretty great, and they pretty much let me do what I want in choosing courses. The students are mostly charismatic and bright, although there are only a couple of real intellectuals. Luckily for everyone else, NR is great for teaching you how to bullshit your way around anything. For example, my conductor always asks us to switch from Violin I to II or vice versa, five minutes before a concert. End result: we became really good sightreaders. Everybody wins. It's just that NR seems to be training suburbians, not leaders. It bothers me. But it's home.
I live in a suburb of New York that does not lend itself to complaining. It's nice. The neighbors don't bother us or each other, we're close enough to the city to be vital and rational, and we spend our lives driving up and down the Palisades Parkway intently, but not urgently.
I have one nephew, two parents, three sisters, and four animals. One of the sisters, Melissa, got smart and moved to Pennsylvania after college to teach special education to urban sixth-graders. Everyone else still lives here, in relative tranquility most of the time, although at our peak we were quite a dramatic bunch. You'll be reading about that, trust me.
It's currently summer, and I have a Lot of Shit to do. I suppose I'll list:
- Teach self Music Theory I so as not to look like idiot in AP Theory
- Read and answer essay questions about summer reading books
- Read and understand "El sur" and "La muerte y la brujula" by Jorge Luis Borges
- Finish mechanics-related problem sets for Physics
- Plan courses of independent study in AP Spanish Lit and AP Physics C, (see last two items)
- Take and pass road test for driver's license
- Plan overnight reunion party for 25 camp alumni/ae
- Revive social life post-camp
- Apply to college (Picked the schools, but still have to write the ESSAYS!)
Given that, I don't know why I chose now of all times to start a blog. I guess it's that I have to bring myself into some kind of healthy emotional state from which to write my college essays. Not that I'm unhealthy. Maybe "lucidity" is a better word for what I'm seeking. I need to escape from the "autopilot" state I mentioned before - it's as if I just think my actions into existence, without actually performing them; does that make sense? I consider which words I'd like to see on the screen, and then my fingers type them out, but there's some silent disconnect going on that I don't like.
(My brain silently debates itself on whether all this is actually a personal conflict between nihilism and consequentialism. I write on.)
So I'm using this blog to tie myself to the universe. Lofty purpose, yes. But necessary.
